


It Was Always You

by Chelliebelle2468



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Bisexual Richie Tozier, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Reddie, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 07:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12954606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelliebelle2468/pseuds/Chelliebelle2468
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak is gay.He has known it for as long as he can remember, and he has been denying, suppressing, and suffocating those feelings for almost just as long.That fateful summer when they were 13, was when he decided to stop lying to himself, albeit keeping it to himself, and himself alone. That was also the summer he realized he had feelings for his best friend in the whole world.The same one who just happened to admit he was bisexual, with confidence and ease. Something brave that Eddie couldn’t bring himself to do.





	It Was Always You

Eddie could only admit it to himself. He was a coward. Sure, he has the capacity to be more than brave when the time called for it. Hell, if that horrendous experience they all had 4 years ago in the sewers wasn’t proof enough, he didn’t know what was.

They had all stepped up to the plate, and although Eddie was small and more “fragile” than the rest, he had put in more than enough of his fair share of swings and attacks when they damned that thing back to hell where it belonged. Then why was he so afraid to admit such a huge part of him out loud?

He had just turned 17, and all of the losers were as tightly woven as they ever were, all seniors now at Derry High.

They all seemed to know and be comfortable with who they were.

Beverly and Ben have been dating since sophomore year, going strong and sappy, and certainly a shoe-in to be voted “cutest couple” in the yearbook superlatives this year.

Stan is seeing a nice Jewish girl who attends his father’s synagogue for a couple months now, and though he doesn’t speak much about her, he seems fairly happy with her so far.

Mike is too busy for a romantic relationship, between school, helping his family on the farm, and a part-time job, no one blames him for not having the energy to hop into the dating scene.

Bill is happily single, and goes on dates with girls fairly often, but doesn’t make anything more serious out of them, and seems quite content to keep things that way.

Richie on the other hand, was different.

Towards the tail-end of freshman year, Richie came out to the losers as bisexual. He had stated it as casually and simply as if he were discussing the weather or a school assignment.

All 6 were supportive of course, but had a few questions for him, of which Richie was incredibly comfortable answering.

“When did you know, Rich?” Bev piped up first. Richie didn’t skip a beat before replying

“Part of me has always known. But when puberty rolled around, well, mother nature has a big way of letting you know what you’re into…and when I say big, I do mean BIG-”.

Richie and his suggestive hand gestures were cut short when Stan thumped a pillow in his face, with an accompanying

“Beep Beep, Dumbass.”

Everyone cycled through some more questions, like “are you going to come out to anyone else?” and “have you ever kissed a boy before?”.

The only one who sat stark silent was Eddie.

His jaw was clamped shut so hard, his teeth began to ache. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his burning face on his kneecaps. Was it hot in here? Does anyone else feel perilously close to passing out?

No, just Eddie?

Richie went on to explain that he was going to live his life authentically, and if he got shit about it from people at school? Fuck it, he already got tons of bullshit from his parents and Bowers and his gang, he is more than used to it.

Eddie felt himself flush all the way up to his ears when Richie spoke again.

He said he never kissed a boy OR girl, and how he wants to kiss someone he can see himself being with, falling in love with.

Eddie released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, feeling embarrassingly relieved.

He was also a little surprised at Richie’s oddly romantic statement, which made Eddie’s stomach twist in pleasure, despite himself.

Eddie Kaspbrak is gay.

He has known it for as long as he can remember, and he has been denying, suppressing, and suffocating those feelings for almost just as long.

That fateful summer when they were 13, was when he decided to stop lying to himself, albeit keeping it to himself, and himself alone. That was also the summer he realized he had feelings for his best friend in the whole world.

The same one who just happened to admit he was bisexual, with confidence and ease. Something brave that Eddie couldn’t bring himself to do.

He hated himself for it.

That horrific day at the Neibolt house, ironically enough, is the day his feelings for Richie were realized.

That evil, fucking clown, leering over him, pinning him down, mocking him, as Eddie cried out in pain and fear, desperately trying to slap the monster with his unbroken arm

Bill and Richie came rushing in, and so did the others in the nick of time. But then, as the clown loomed towards them, claws ripping from his gloves and drool dripping from his rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth, Richie ran to his side.

As Pennywise ominously closed the distance between them, Richie crouched down and forced Eddie’s face in his direction.

“Eddie! EDDIE, look at me! LOOK AT ME!” he shouted, keeping Eddie’s gaze on him. For all they all knew, they were going to die that day, and Richie’s biggest concern was keeping Eddie calm, helping him to be less afraid.

And in those frenzied, panicked moments, Eddie realized that if he was about to go, he was so grateful the last thing he got to see was Richie.

If he died looking at his crazy dark curls, those high cheekbones sprinkled with freckles, those chestnut eyes magnified behind those dorky, thick glasses, and a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest, he figured he had it better than most.

Ever since then, Eddie had it bad.

And god help him, did he have to fall for the most handsy, in your face, crazy person. Every hug, tickle, cheek kiss, tackle, suggestive joke, touch, and flirt was, well…just Richie.

Its how he had been for as long as they all had known each other, which at this point, was a decade at least. He was the quintessential class clown, the “trash mouth”, the touchy-grabby, insane goofball who lived to make people laugh, at any cost.

He was this way with all of the losers, it wasn’t anything new. Richie couldn’t know how it gave Eddie butterflies, how it made his heart stutter, his head go fuzzy…and at times, make his body react in ways he would have to stealthily hide with a pillow, or a jacket, or a book, until Eddie willed it the hell away.

But then again, Richie was more touchy with Eddie than any of the other losers…but that’s just because they were closer, right?

Eddie and Richie were walking home from school, the usual ridiculous banter bouncing between them. It was late November, and the air was crisp and a bit biting when the wind blew.

Eddie shuttered at a gust of wind, and turned to his right to see Richie with a large, teasing grin.

“Ahre you chilly, dahling? My, my, where ARE my manners? I can’t have my handsome gentleman callah freezing his tits off!” Richie crooned in a god awful southern belle accent.

“Shut up, dick face, Im f-f-fine” Eddie said with a shiver. Richie laughed out loud and shrugged his leather jacket off his shoulders and placed it on Eddie in one swift motion.

“You’re gonna freeze stupid, take it back! I appreciate it, but its too cold for you to have no jacket” Eddie said while Richie stomped on some fallen, crunchy leaves.

“Na, Eds, how could I possibly be cold when you keep me so hot and bothered all the time?” Richie replied, swinging an arm around Eddie’s shoulder and squeezing him to his side.

Eddie looked down at the pavement to hide his blush and a small grin.

They decided to go to Richie’s house. They often alternated, but more often than not, they ended up here. Sonia Kaspbrak was never fond of Richie, and would always make a fuss when he was around too often, so this was typically just easier.

It was a Friday, and it meant they didn’t have to bother with homework or worry about how late they stayed up, and they could just have a sleepover, like usual.

As they walked into Richie’s room, Eddie found himself softly sighing. He always felt this overwhelming feeling as if he had come home.

Sure, the dirty socks on the floor and the empty soda cans and candy wrappers made his skin crawl, but his room was so comforting in its familiarity. The music posters, the comic books, the bed strewn with his clothes.

Eddie sat down on the edge of his double sized bed. The room smelled like him. It smelt like his warm, spicy cologne, the sweet jolly ranchers that he seemed to have everywhere.

It smelt like fresh air, cigarettes, and something masculine, something that was just him. He felt like he could get high on the scent. And for a moment, Eddie felt like he was losing his damn mind.

Richie waltzed in holding a bag of chips and two bottles of water and jumped on the bed so hard that the springs groaned.

“Jesus, asshole, you aren’t a feather, you know!” Eddie laughed and scolded him at the same time. Richie just responded by shoving a handful of chips in his mouth and chewing obnoxiously near Eddie’s ear.

Richie certainly had changed in those 4 years since that summer. For one thing, he was tall. Very tall. He sprouted up to 6'2 and was lean, with wirey muscle covering his long, gangly limbs.

His face had matured and lost all that soft innocence of youth, and he had a defined, sharp jawline with cheekbones to match.

Eddie could only wish his changes through the years were as profound.

Eddie was only 5'8 and of average build and weight, very disappointingly ordinary if you asked him. Although he had lost some of the round innocence in his face from childhood, he still had a softness about him, and big round, doe-like eyes.

Eddie often solemnly thought that Richie wouldn’t ever consider him in that way, for his plain appearance alone.                

Eddie absentmindedly flipped through a random comic he grabbed from Richie’s desk, while Richie appeared to be watching some dopey teenage drama on his small, grainy TV.

The 2 main characters, after enduring sexual tension you could cut with a knife, finally kissed in dramatic fashion.

Richie tossed a potato chip at the screen and scoffed as it bounced to the floor.

“You’d think with me playing for both teams Id have someone by now. After all, I am irresistible” Richie said as he stretched out his legs across Eddies.

Eddie snorted back a laugh and said “Rich, as ‘irresistible’ as you might be, you actually have to put in an effort. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you on a date, or kiss anyone…”. As Eddie trailed off, Richie bit his lip, looking thoughtful.

Eddie could almost feel the shift in the room. For once, Richie was actually being serious. A few moments of silence passed before Richie asked

“have you ever been on a date or kissed anyone, Eds?”

Eddie shifted uncomfortably before telling what was actually the truth.

“Yes, I have actually. I have been on 4 dates, and I kissed each of those girls. It didn’t work out, but hey, that’s my luck.”

And the funny thing was, that wasn’t a lie.

Eddie did go on those dates and kiss those girls, but it was his last pathetic efforts to try to be straight. To stop thinking about Richie like that. But at the end of every awkward kiss, he felt weird and detached. It felt like a poorly rehearsed chore.

After the last girl in junior year, he decided to stop this pointless endeavour.

Richie cast his eyes down and shook his head before he spoke

“I’ve actually never kissed anyone at all…I’m 17 and I have never done it…” Richie had said it so quietly, it was almost a whisper. Eddie had so much nervous energy coursing through him he felt like he might jump out of his skin. Suddenly, Eddie felt a surge of courage, something in his gut that said 'now or never’.

“I’m gay, Rich” Eddie murmured, fidgeting with a loose thread on Richie’s shirt.

He felt as though his whole body had pins and needles, and he felt his chest tighten with anxiety.

Eddie tried to laugh off the serious admission by following it with,

“And hey, don’t feel like you’re missing out too much. Kissing isn’t all its made out to be. I never felt any fireworks, and those poor girls probably thought they were kissing a dead fish”. He half-heartedly chuckled.

He couldn’t meet Richie’s gaze. The unusual silence made Eddie want to scream. You could hear a pin drop.

The one-time “trashmouth” Tozier had nothing to say, and it was killing Eddie with every moment that passed.

Suddenly, Eddie felt sick. A wave of nausea, sadness, pent-up emotion that felt like a sucker punch to the gut. He also felt like a fool. He told his best friend, the only person he has ever told, that he was gay, and all he could do was sit there and stare.

When a man of many words suddenly is at a loss for them, Eddie could only assume the worst. Tears pricked at his eyes and stung. One lonely tear trickled down his hot cheek. Richie finally spoke.

“I never kissed anybody because I never found anyone available who I felt a special connection with. Someone to be vulnerable with. Someone who understands me.” He paused, and then continued

“And I think that you’re wrong.” Eddie sniffled pathetically and looked up at Richie at last.

Richie’s cheeks were blazing red, and he looked so beautiful.

“What was I wrong about, Rich?” Eddie asked as Richie shifted closer on the bed.

“Well, I may not have kissed anyone, but I think it is worth the hype, Eds.” Richie said quietly, as his eyes dropped to Eddies soft, parted lips. Eddie felt his heart start to race, as he dared himself to say

“Well, how can you prove that?”

Richie’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, and he let out a shuttering breath. Eddie felt paralyzed to his spot on the bed.

Before Eddie could have another thought, Richie leaned forward and pressed his lips to Eddies. Eddie didn’t have the vocabulary to explain how good it felt.

It was a brief kiss, close-mouthed, and soft, 4 or 5 seconds at most. But in all of his life, he hadn’t felt anything like he had in those brief moments.

A spark isn’t enough to explain it. It was a like an electrical circuit was finally connected, completed, and a powerful and euphoric energy passed back and forth between them. It took his breath away.

Richie pulled away and laid his head back on the pillow. Richie’s heart was beating so fast that he was shaking ever so slightly. Richie said, in a shaky voice

“Well….at least for me, I think I proved my poi-”

But he was cut off by Eddie’s lips on his once more. But this time, Eddie wasn’t holding back. He had wanted this for so long, that he had not one more ounce of restraint.

He kissed him firmly, over and over, leaning his chest against his, barely allowing either of them to breathe.

He had a taste, and now he was addicted.

He moved his mouth down Richie’s jaw and kissed underneath it and all down his neck. Richie moaned softly, and Eddie felt himself grow hard at the sound.

Suddenly, Richie flipped Eddie over and crawled between his legs, one knee on either side of his leg. He leaned down and ran his tongue along the edge of Eddies lower lip. Eddie had to suppress a shiver as he opened his mouth to give him access.

Eddie could hardly believe that Richie had never done this before. His kisses were soft but passionate, wet but not sloppy, and it drove Eddie absolutely fucking wild.

Apparently, Eddie wasn’t the only one being driven crazy though. Richie came closer and pushed his body against his, and Eddie could immediately feel how hard Richie was against his thigh.

It made Eddie moan out loud. Heat coiled tight in his stomach, and he felt almost drunk. He reached up a wove his fingers in his thick curls, and gently tugged.

Richie sat up and pulled Eddie with him so he was seated on his lap, and then roughly ran his fingertips up and down his back.

Somewhere, in a teeny tiny part of his mind, Eddie thought 'This is amazing, but its new. Slow down’.

To say this was like a drug would be an understatement, but he knew they had to stop, for the moment anyway.

After what felt like an eternity of arguing with his better sense, Eddie pulled away. Richie adorably whimpered at the loss of contact. It took all of Eddie’s strength to put this moment on pause, but he had something to say, before they got carried away.  

They sat there catching their breath, before they were consumed with a fit of giggles. They couldn’t explain why or contain it, but they kept laughing until their sides hurt.

Once he regained composure, Eddie began to speak.

“After the worlds best make-out session and the biggest confession I’ve ever made, I’m having trouble processing my thoughts. So please forgive me if this is a crazy ramble, ok?” Richie leaned against the headboard and nodded.

“Dude, you are loud, crude, a total and complete slob, and you have no concept of personal space. You tell the most stupid jokes and at least half of your accents are crap, and you drive the other losers insane like you have a quota to meet.”

Richie furrowed his brow, looking almost embarrassed. Eddie continued before Richie could speak,

“But…one thing remains consistent. When I’m with you, I feel like I can overcome anything, like I can conquer the world. You don’t make my weaknesses feel like a flaw, just another piece of me. No one I’ve ever known cares more, protects more, or makes me laugh the way that you do. At the end of the day, you have so much love to give. How could I not fall for you?”

Eddie gulped and stared at the pattern on the bedspread.

“You don’t have to feel the same way, Rich…I get it, I really do. I mean, you’ve waited this long to find that special person…and I’m just me. We can pretend this never happened, if you want. I just want you to be happy….”

Eddie was frantic, tears blurring his vision. Richie sat up, leaning forward quickly, grabbing Eddie’s hands in his enormous ones, and spoke.

“Hey dipshit, its always been you.”

Eddie whipped his head back up, and looked at him incredulously.

“But…but…” Eddie began, but Richie piped up again,

“I never thought you were an option available to me. And god fucking knows its difficult to be with someone else when everything you want is around you almost every single day. It has always been you, it will always be you, Spaghetti.” Richie smirked broadly at him, and Eddie lunged forward and squeezed him so hard to him that Richie let out a little squeak. Eddie leaned in to whisper in his ear

“Don’t call me that. Way to taint the best moment of my life, fuckface”

Eddie began to laugh at the familiar joking between them. From now on, so many things wouldn’t be the same. It was a kind of scary feeling. Richie cupped Eddie’s face and gently kissed his forehead, sighing happily.

Eddies heart swelled inside his ribcage, and Eddie found himself thinking that he actually hoped nothing would ever be the same again.


End file.
